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Showing posts with label Bribes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bribes. Show all posts

Thursday, 3 July 2014

PMS: Ghana's World Cup and That Time of the Month

I swear I didn't make any of this stuff up. Not even the ridiculously unbelievable parts. It’s all true, I promise.

After a somewhat impressive performance by Ghana’s Black Stars at the last two World Cups, big things were expected at our third outing. If only we knew what was coming…

We lost to our usual whipping boys the USA and that wasn't even the worst thing about our tournament. There we allegations of match fixing with a video of certain football Administrators agreeing to bribe referee influence matches. In their defense, they were set up but as Micky Bricks said, "You can't con an honest man". This also wasn't the worst thing to come out.

Stories of unpaid bonuses and player agitations began to filter into the country but officials kept on denying them. I understand that a man is due his wages and no one would be happy if they weren't paid. What I didn't understand was why on the biggest stage players were more concerned about money than about playing. Forget about patriotism, it died long ago. Why not play for personal glory? Think of all the money you could make if you put up a great performance. Kevin-Prince Boateng moved from lowly Portsmouth to AC off the back of his 2010 performance.

I’m not sure what happened but the next thing we knew, there were rumors that our president had made available a chartered flight from Ghana to Brazil carrying in excess of $3 million (US not Zimbabwean). My first reaction was, “this is too ridiculous to be true”.

Turns out it was true. The news spread like wild fire on social media and foreign news outlets. Every news channel made time to mock the ridiculousness of the story. In this age of technology? The president confirmed he had sanctioned this transfer and some members of his cabinet didn't seem to see the big deal.

John Boye kissing his share of the booty

By this act, they had managed to caricature the whole nation till not one drop of respect was left to save face. One TV station, Globo, in Brazil managed to broadcast live the landing of the money plane by planting secret cameras somewhere. Apparently, the Brazilian government also insisted on counting the money so it could be taxed properly so the counting was also shown live on TV.  The sharing of the money was also shown live on TV. One player was shown kissing his share of the booty as he came out of the money room. The next day Ghanaians were the butt of all jokes on social media. The money plane saga was so incredulous that a Hollywood director is think of making a movie out of it. We lost to Portugal in our last game completing our disgraceful outing. There was still time for a bonus act as there was some controversy even about them coming home. It’s not like we didn't see all this coming before the tournament.
Meanwhile, back in Ghana, everyone was going on strike (or threatening to) due to unpaid wages. Polytechnic Lecturers at the time this post is being written have been on strike for 7 weeks. Not a single f*$k has been given about their strike. I’m not even sure the Government knows they are on strike because no serious attempt has been made to address their concerns. We can fly $3 million in 2 days to Brazil to satisfy under-performing footballers but can’t pay whatever pittance lecturers are asking for?

Then it was announced that on the first of July, Electricity tariffs would be increased by 12%, water by 6% and fuel prices were also expected to go up. This prompted a movement of social media #OccupyFlagStaffHouse which led to a demonstration. Police armed to the teeth tried to prevent this peaceful demonstration but failed. While the demonstration was going on, members of the president’s cabinet (Hannah Tetteh and Joseph Yammin) found time to mock the protesters further proving how far removed politicians are from the suffering of regular folks.

But this isn't my most ridiculous story of the past two weeks. Government has managed to secure a loan of $156 million to help support the educational sector. Part of the loan would be used for scholarships, new building and… wait for it… providing sanitary pads for female high school students. I swear I didn't make that up! This news sparked some hilarious comment and memes on social media to cap off a ridiculous couple weeks in Ghana. Given the way so many other government interventions have gone, you don't need too much of a stretch of the imagination to picture how this program will end.


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Tuesday, 9 October 2012

The Art of Paying Bribe


If you’ve lived in Ghana for a while, chances are that you’ve had to pay bribe at one point to get something done. Bribes are an unavoidable part of the Ghanaian society. Without them, nothing moves. One popular Ghanaian politician said corruption can not be totally eradicated from society.

There are certain etiquette one has to observe in paying bribes. No self respecting Ghanaian will accept bribes “just like that”. The giver needs to learn the right way to give it. I’ve attempted to document the rules that govern the giving of bribes.

LANGUAGE:
The giving of bribe inspires some of the most beautiful parables and proverbs you can find around. For example when giving a bribe, you don’t say, “Please take this Gh¢300 as bribe”. That’s just unacceptable. You have to say, “Please take this Gh¢300 to buy some pure water”. Never mind that pure water cost a mere 10p. This way the receiver can take the bribe with a clear conscience.

You also need to be wise enough to understand when someone is asking for bribe. Some time ago I had to get a Security clearance from the Police. I was told that it took two weeks for the report to be done or 3days for express. I paid for express and returned on the forth day. When I got there the report had not yet been done. According to the officer, there were so many papers on his table and his Binatone Standing fan kept blowing them away. He said he wanted a stone to put on my application so that mine didn’t get blown away. So I got him an expensive stone and right in front of me he filled the form and I was on my way.

PRESENTATION
You shall under no circumstance give bribe in a brown envelope. Brown envelopes in Ghana are synonymous with bribes so at all cost, avoid them. You can put the money in a white envelope or present it unwrapped. Bribes may not be presented as cheque or money order. If it has to be money, it should always be cold hard cash.

It is not bribe if it is not money. You may present your bribe in the form of hampers especially during festivities. Hampers have become a part of the Ghanaian society. You can even present a hamper in public without anyone frowning on it.

At the beginning of the High School academic year it is normal to see parents visiting the residence of headmasters with fattened goats. These goats are the means by which student who didn’t qualify ride into various schools. No one can accuse the headmaster of taking bribe; all he took was a goat.
You may also present what ever money or gift you have to the person’s children. For example you can offer to pay his kids school fees for one term or buy a very expensive gift for his kids on their birthday or Christmas. No one can say that is a bribe, obviously the kids are not the same as their parents.

CONCLUSION
If for any reason someone is bold enough to ask you directly for bribe, you are not allowed to bargain. Just pay up.
Always remember, if you don’t pay it won’t get done. Just accept that and don’t give anyone a lecture on morality or patriotism.




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