Share

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

The Joys of Onye Sɔɔmi

“Onye sɔɔmi” is such an enigmatic phrase. In its truest meaning it’s a vulgar insult directed at someone’s mother but actually it’s so much more than that. I speak three Ghanaian languages and each of them has tried to replicate it but none has achieved the same oomph or range of emotions of the original “Onye sɔɔmi”.
The closest I can come to describing “Onye sɔɔmi” for non-Ghanaians is that it falls somewhere between the N-word and the F-word but it has more flair and emotions than both words.
Having spent two years living in Kaneshie, a predominantly Ga community, I managed to get some understanding of this enigmatic phrase. However, I think no one who isn’t a Ga can fully appreciate the joys of “Onye sɔɔmi”.
I will attempt to catalogue some of the various situations in which “Onye sɔɔmi” can be and has been used.


Onye Sɔɔmi Standing Ovation:
Every afternoon in Kaneshie, men of all ages would gather under trees to play Drought. Sometimes I would visit one of the game venues to enjoy the spectacle. Any time one player was in a position to take three or more of his opponent’s pieces; he would alert the spectators and count aloud as he took the pieces. With each count, the spectators would shout “Sɔɔmi!” After the pieces were taken and all the “Sɔɔmis” said, everyone would clap and start discussing how good the move was.

I also remember one time I was at video center watching an FA Cup match between Arsenal and Aston Villa when Alexis Sanchez scored a really stunning goal. The goal led to a spontaneous eruption of joyous “Sɔɔmis” and each time the goal was shown, the “Sɔɔmi” was longer and more dramatic.

I came to the conclusion that when it was used as a sign of admiration, the “Onye” was dropped and just the “Sɔɔmi” was enough.


Onye Sɔɔmi Salutations:
A stranger in Kaneshie or any Ga community for that matter could be forgiven for thinking “Onye sɔɔmi” was some form of greeting. Every morning’s serenity was shattered by what sounded like happy “Onye sɔɔmis”. Friends shouting them at each other, irritated people shouting them at dawn preachers and random people just shouting them because they could.

Often, but not always, “Onye sɔɔmi” is accompanied by a hand gesture that is sort of like a thumbs up sigh but with the thumb moving up and down. One thing you should know is that you can’t go interfering in friendly “Onye sɔɔmi”. If you are not friends, it is just a very offensive insult.


Onye Sɔɔmi Chain Reaction:
One thing I noticed about “Onye sɔɔmi” is how one shout of it leads to many. Recently, I was in traffic on the N1 when two drivers got into some sort of misunderstanding. They suddenly stopped side by side with no regard for other road users and started exchanging heated “Onye sɔɔmis.” This led to other drivers becoming irritated and they too started shouting “Onye sɔɔmi”. It was an Onye sɔɔmi buffet interjected with load honking and a few other choice swear words in other languages.


Qualified Onye Sɔɔmi:
Sometimes “Onye sɔɔmi” is not enough and I would hear people add other words for impact. I remember hearing Onye sɔɔmi kakalika (cockroach), Onye sɔɔmi 2 by 4 (why 2 by 4 I will never know), Onye sɔɔmi chin gom (chewing gum) and a few other inexplicably qualified ones. I have no idea what informs these ones but I came to accept that no one but a Ga can really appreciate the intricacies of “Onye sɔɔmi”

Insulting Onye Sɔɔmi:
When used as an insult, the “sɔɔmi” is often dropped and just the “Onye” is used. I never really got to fully understand the insult part. I remember a woman in the house I lived who constantly insulted her son by saying “Onye sɔɔmi”. It didn’t really make sense to me since she was the Onye in this case but as I said, only a true Ga can really appreciate the joys of Onye sɔɔmi.


Onye Sɔɔmi Chronicles:
My first clear funny “Onye sɔɔmi” incident occurred when I was in class 5. Of course before then I myself had used it a few times but none of those were memorable.

I was in class 5 and I along with some kids were attending our first French class. We were learning to conjugate the verb “etre”. The teacher called each of us to read what he had written and needless to say, we struggled.

One guy was called to read “nous sommes”. The poor guy, who already had problems reading in English, had no idea what to say. The teacher encouragingly helped by pronouncing the first word, “nous”. The guy then confidently said “nous sɔɔmi”. This led to the class bursting into laughter which in turn made the teacher very angry.

In conclusion, you should know that “Onye sɔɔmi” is not for everyone. Before you can trade friendly “Onye sɔɔmi” with anyone, you should have previously established a relationship with the person. Anything apart from that and you can expect a very angry reaction.
Go ahead and enjoy your “Onye sɔɔmi” but be circumspect and do it in moderation. 

ps: Onye Sɔɔmi is pronounced "Own yeah Sore-me" the more "ɔ", the longer you stretch the Sore


comments

Friday, 15 May 2015

The Second Book of Dumsor Chapter 3

1 And in those days there lived an irreverent man in the land of Ghana, whose name was Dela who the people called Efo.
2 He was the son of Thywill, the Son of Byhisgrace, the son of Godswill.
3 On the eighth day of the fifth month which was the day before the Sabbath, he journeyed home from the Accra Mall with two companions.
4. And as they talked about the things that had happened in the land, he heard a voice say to him,
5 “Son of Man, thy house and thy neighbor’s house and all the people that live around it thereof are covered in darkness as it was in the days of the plagues of Egypt”
6 and he knew it was the voice of a generator
7 but Efo Dela was perplexed and cast in his mind what manner of madness this should be, “how can it be that I understand the language of Generators?”
8 and the voice said onto him, “let not your heart be troubled Efo, for the fear of Mahama is upon thee and this has made it so”
9  And he trembling and astonished said, “what wilt thou have me to do?
10 but the voice was silent for the generator had run out of fuel and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
11 Then said one his companions Kwasi bar-Adu, “what manner of wailing is this?
12 And the one of them, whose name was Nii, answering said unto him, “Art thou only a stranger in Accra, and hast not known the things that it is Champions League Night”
13 And Kwasi bar-Adu said, “you fool, that is on Tuesdays”
14 then Efo Dela said in a loud voice, the people wail for they have no fuel in the generator and darkness covers the land.
15 “How doth thou know these things”, they asked
16 “A Generator spake them unto me”, Efo Dela said
17 but they scoffed saying, “Art thou not Efo Dela whom the people of twitter call Amegaxi? And art thou not possessed by the Spirit of sarcasm?” and their unbelief was exceedingly great.
18 as they drew near to home, their eyes beheld the darkness and they looked at Efo and were amazed and their countenance towards him was changed.
19 Now Satan, who is the deceiver, had seen the suffering of Ghanaians, he saw how babes were plagued with heat rashes and how the people suffered to sleep in the heat
20 and he said to himself, “The Lord of host is merciful. For in his anger he casteth me not to Ghana but to Hell. For in Hell though the heat abideth forever the fire provideth light but in Ghana they suffereth heat and darkness”



comments

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Dum Raider vs Dum Rider: Battle to Build Rome

When John Dumelo said Ghanaians need to be patient with John Mahama because “Rome wasn’t built in a Day”, I’m sure he didn’t expect anyone to take much notice. After all, Ghanaian celebs have been talking and no one ever listens. Unfortunately for him that didn’t happen. Long suffering Ghanaian youth took to social media and gave him quite the bashing.
Step up Yvonne Nelson, John Dumelo’s sometimes best friend and in his own words, “Ride or Die Chick”. She wasn’t having anyone of it and started the #DumsorMustStop Hashtag on twitter. 
She along with some other celebs have organized a vigil and are expecting many people to turn up to protest the worsening power crisis. Somehow I doubt people would have taken Miss Nelson seriously if artiste like Sarkodie hadn’t come on board. Relax, this has nothing to do with sexism. Miss Nelson can’t seem to tolerate views that aren’t in line with hers and has blocked more people on twitter than anyone I know. Besides, how come she was silent till now? Sarkodie on the other hand has been talking about these problems for a while now and interacts well with people on social media.
Honestly, did anyone really expect everything to go smoothly? I was part of the Maiden #OccupyFlagStaffHouse march. Even after we had sought and were granted the requisite permission, they still tried to prevent the march. Police armed to the teeth showed up on the said day and scared away quite a number of the demonstrators before the rain came to drive away even more. I’m not saying the government is responsible for the heavy rain that day but I am not saying they aren’t either.


Anyway, turns out the organizers of the Vigil hadn’t asked permission to use the University of Ghana field. Their plan B, was also thwarted because Total didn’t want to be involved in anything political which is understandable. Then the Ga tradional council petitioned to have the Vigil ‘postponed’ because there’s a ban on noise making before the Homowo festival. Most people suspect that like the rain on the day of the #OccupyFlagStaff house march, Government has something to do with the stance of Ga Traditional council. After all, why aren’t they complaining about the constant noise from Generators everywhere? 
For now it looks like Government or which ever hand is behind the frustration of the vigil is winning as most of the people on social media have a short attention span and quickly move on to some new and more interesting topic. Will people still turn up for the vigil and if they do, will the number be as huge as it would have been if it had come on earlier?
We live to see how this epic battle goes. I for one I'm just here for the laughs. That's how I've decided to deal with the frustrating, never ending power problem in this country.
For now, this is our prayer:



comments

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Press Release - Gird Center Rebrands

Gird Center Rebrands—Strengthens Support Services for Business and Creative Community

Gird Center, a writing, editorial and training services company based in Accra, today introduced its new corporate brand, together with a new logo, tagline and customer service approach.

The rebranding reflects the company’s vision to become the global icon for exceptional writing, editing and training support for theGhanaian Business and Creative community.

Gird Center has set itself apart in providing the highest standards of writing, editing and training services to Private and Public sector Organizations and Individuals.The new tag line: “We Write, We Edit, We Train” highlights the company’s expertise.

Chief Executive Officer of Gird Center, Nana Nyarko Boateng, states that the rebranding exercise is more than just a change of logo. She stresses that the new Gird brand focuses on providing innovative ways to help Private and Public sector Organizations and Individuals meet their written communication objectives.

“Our customer reach has expanded and our approach to delivering value has matured. We have taken a good look at our positioning in the market and have strengthened our team and network of leading experts to respond to the needs of our increasing clients,” she added.

The center held Ghana's first Writing Camp in 2014.Approximately 40 young people were admitted to the camp led by Prof. Ama Ata Aidoo, Dr. Mawuli Adjei, Mr. Paul Ababio and Mr. Rami Batie. The Gird Writing Camp supports young creative and entrepreneurial Ghanaians to build skills for writing in the business, creative, and academic environments.


Media Contact: Anguah Sarpong, Communications Director
Call: 0263144621 |Email: info@girdcenter.org|www.girdcenter.org
comments

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Ghanaian Trolls, Almost All You Need to Know

Trolling is an art and I don't mean to brag but i'm good at it. I was trolling long before trolling was cool. Social media just gave me the platform to take my talent to places that hitherto I couldn't. Back in the old days, trolling was considered a noble art and us trolls had a lot of respect. These days, the profession is full of glory hunters who have no respect for the etiquettes of the job. The rise of these glory hunters has led to a sort of uprising from the trolled.

If you have to use profanities or insulting words then trolling is not your calling. If you have to think too long for a witty come back, trolling is not for you too. True troll’s stings are instant and comes from using their targets words or mistake against them. In a way a troll is a predator lurking somewhere near by just waiting to pounce.

Most of best Ghanaian trolls reside on twitter. It's amazing how much sting one can fit into 140 characters or less.


Meme Makers
@Qwestmatic and @Mike_Nkansah were meme lords extraordinaire long before the "abrokyire" memes, vines and GIFs flooded the local meme industry. Like the cheap imported Chinese fabrics that have virtually collapsed the local textile industry, these foreign memes have threatened to kill the local meme-generating sector. These two, in addition to the new-age cohort of meme-generators have, however, held their own by providing Gh Twitter with all-purpose as well as specific memes.

Long before I knew they were called memes, @QwestMatic was making them. Qwest is the Rumpelstiltskin of memes. He turns innocent looking pictures into hilarious memes. He'll make you famous for reasons you might not be too pleased about. His meme are not generic memes of people who live far off in other countries.  They are of people well known on Gh twitter. By crudely photoshopping regular pictures, he’s able to caricature even the most respectable people and turn them into laughing stocks. He introduced us to twitter story telling an art which has become popular especially after any twitter organized event or controversy.
The secret to being a renowned meme legend probably lies in having a huge meme arsenal or the ability to generate one within a time that the tweet it is in response to is still viable. These trolls can even fit a meme to your harmless "Good morning" tweet and invite "strangers" into your mentions with their [insert laughing and crying emoji].

Meme generation is a high level specialist troll group which requires the actors in this group to identify and highlight the funny undertones in supposedly ordinary everyday photos like Twitter event shots and your Facebook "blasts-from-the-past" photos. A picture says a thousand words, but a picture with words say a thousand and one words; that is how influential these troll memes can be.

Sports Trolls:
Meet @Stayne_ a Manchester United fan who lives to torment Liverpool Fans, Arsenal fans and any other fan that dares to usurp his dear club's throne. This fellow takes more pleasure in seeing rival teams lose than seeing his own team win.  In the 2013/2014 Premier League season, Man U led by David Moyes were having a terrible season and Liverpool looked all set to win the league. For Stayne, the thought of Liverpool winning the league hurt far more than his team at seventh place. Liverpool somehow managed to throw away their lead thanks to a slip by their captain and talisman Stevie Gerrard.

The misery of Liverpool fans nourished him. He took great joy in reminding Liverpool fans how Man U castaways like Bebe, Don Fangzhuo and the likes had more premier league medals than their great captain. 
His account was recently suspended for five days after Liverpool fans worldwide reported him as spam. After the account was unblocked, he continued where he left off, unrepentant. He' is like a plague, sent by the gods of football to torment everyone else. 

Snake Under Grass:
They look like mild mannered tweeps until they are not. Their Clark Kent to Superman transformation always catches you by surprised. Meet @Quasiadu, snake under grass troll numero uno. He's the puppet master behind the Against Supporters Union (ASU).  He and his legion of trolls only exist to cheer whichever team is playing against your favorite team. The 2013/2014 EPL season was filled with glory days thanks to David Moyes and Stevie Gerrard. Jose Mourinho going trophiless was an extra bonus.

The Snake Under Grass' favorite victims are other sports trolls. Members of ASU were constantly pitching camp in Stayne's mentions.

@Quasiadu and @Stayne_ achieved international notoriety during the London Olympic games when Nigeria played against the USA in basketball. Their constant trolling of the Nigerian team's abysmal performance didn't sit too well with Nigeria twitter. This led to a fully fledged war between Gh and 9ja twitter. At the peak of the hostilities, these two left the battlefield for some high ground so they could admire the chaos. Nero, watching as Rome burned.

Grammar Nazis:
That’s what everyone calls them, probably because they want to purge the world of all bad grammar users. These groups of trolls are mainly opportunistic hunters. They mind their own business till someone makes a spelling mistake or grammatical error then they pounce. There used to be accounts that were solely dedicated to this form of trolling but they seem to have faded away. Grammar Nazis are probably the most tolerated kind of troll, that is until you are the one being trolled.
I’ve noticed that the quality of English written on twitter has improved a lot late. Either the trolls have scared people into writing proper English or they driven the bad nuts away. Once in a while though, you still find someone writing something so terrible, you can’t help trolling no matter who you are.

Once in a while, someone types some gibberish that even the Grammar Nazis refuse to touch.

Religious Trolls:
Religious trolls fall into two categories, Atheists and Christians. For some reason people of other religions don't seem to troll as much and Atheists seem more interested in hounding Christians.
The Christian troll's favorite word is “Blasphemy”. They can't take a joke. They appear uninvited in conversations that have nothing to do with them and start asking you to repent. These are not your regular Everybody-is-Holy-on-Sunday-Christians. When they are not hounding everyone else with random Bible verses, they are tweeting things like, “The sun doesn’t shine at night so retweet if you love Jesus”.


All atheists on twitter seem to know each other and the moment one of them enters your mentions, there rest follow and pitch camp. I really don’t get the Christian versus Atheist debate. The Christians won’t be convinced there is no God and the atheists won’t be convinced there is.

In the end, they are more alike than they like to admit. They are all trying to shove their opinions down your throat.  

Technically there’s a third group. The confused ones. They are on the atheist bandwagon because they think it’s cool but don’t understand the basic principles. Funny thing is they are more aggressive than the true atheist and are always in an argument with someone and contradicting themselves. You have to admire their misguided determination.


Bloggers and Mixtapers:
Technically these guys should be considered as spammers but let’s just call them trolls. The only difference between Bloggers and Mixtapers is that you probably follow the Blogger and have no idea how the Mixtaper appeared in your mentions. Mixtapers are among the most slandered people on Gh twitter but they have tough skins and don’t really mind the abuse.

Annoying People and Parody Accounts:
This account, @SkuBoye, is rated 18, NSFW and generally anything that children shouldn’t be looking at. He account was suspended but he came back with another and just continued being annoying. His over the top trolling of has led to some really epic responses from some Ghanaian celebrities.
Jon Germain's respond to SkuBoye's tweet led to the hashtag #JonGermainCanFind

@pweedyella is not as X-rated as @SkuBoye but no less annoying. I’m not sure if the person behind the account is a he or a she but the person definitely has no sense of moderation when it comes to trolling.

As far as I know this is the only spoof site in Ghana.  They take serious topics and turn them into jokes. In a country where serious topics are a joke anyway, this account isn’t running out of topics anytime soon. It’s always interesting when people take a story from YesiYesi seriously. Very often, news sites will take a story from this spoof account seriously and repost it as news. Your favorite Ghanaian politician or celebrity has probably been ridiculed by YesiYesi more than once. 

Do Not Feed the Trolls:
Do not fight with trolls unless you can knock them out. People might not be paying attention to what is going on but will drop everything to come watch a fight. They might not agree with what the troll is saying but will immediately gang up on you if you get abusive.

However, if you manage to give the troll a good punch they will carry you shoulder high and then turn on the troll. Twitter folks are fickle. They are just here for the thrill. Whoever is providing it gets their support regardless of who is right or wrong.
@NiiLexis spent a lot of time trolling Guinness until one day this happened...
Unfortunately, the Guinness Ghana account was closed down not long after but they definitely gained the respect of Gh twitter folks after that epic comeback.

@Kwakutii: 
By popular request I'm adding this guy, sigh. I really want to say something nice or funny about this guy but I keep drawing blanks. There are annoying people, there are arseholes and then there is @Kwakutii. From all indications he's an intelligent guy but as someone said, he doesn't have 'Efie Nyansa' (wisdom). His insensitivity, ridiculously entrenched positions and know-it-all attitude rapidly earned him infamy on Gh twitter. This guy just gave trolls a bad name.

This guy was was the most blocked person on Gh twitter. From celebs to sports men and even people who knew him personally, everyone was blocking him. I'm not sure why I followed him for so long but I finally had to block him after he made some insensitive remarks to a friend about a family member she had lost less than 24 hours earlier. His account is no longer active on twitter, I don't know if twitter suspended his account or what but i'm not too perturbed.

Hasta la vista @Kwakutii, you won't be missed




Don’t bother explaining. Twitter folks don’t care. Sarkodie’s Irish cream line at on BET Chypher was a trolls delight and Sarkodie’s attempt to explain it led to more trolling than he expected.

Follow these accounts if you are brave enough but don't say i didn't warn you.


Any other kind of troll i forgot about? Leave that as a comment


comments

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Ebola, Rumor has it...

Eating cola nuts cures Ebola, according to rumors flying around in Ghana, at least. First I found this hilarious. Surely, no one would believe this. However, it stopped being funny when I found out how wide spread this rumor was. I heard some radio stations and TV stations had aired this. This is just one of the many ridiculous stories making the rounds about Ebola, AIDS, Cholera and most deadly diseases. The problem with this is Ghanaians tend to believe unfounded rumors more than scientific facts. People will turn down conventional medicine but religiously apply these strange 'remedies' and end up dying with discolored teeth to show for their troubles.

I investigated where these rumors started and found out there was a chain message going round on WhatsApp. One of those annoying, “Forward this to 10 people and see what happens” kind. Why anyone will take those things serious is beyond me. Anyway, so I kept searching and finally came across the name Dr Maurice Iwu, a Nigerian. His claims aren’t supported by anyone else and various medical groups in Nigeria have come out to refute his claims. It took me a whole 10 minutes to find this out. So why couldn’t radio and TV stations investigate before putting these stories out there? Have they forgotten the Fauster Atta Mensah debacle so soon?

Meanwhile, in Nigeria where the cola nut cure is supposed to have originated, they believe salt and not cola nut is the cure for Ebola. Salt sellers couldn’t be more pleased. I heard that people have been adding caps of salt to bathing water. People have taken to drinking salt water and over salting their meals in an attempt to avoid the deadly disease.


Then there are the spiritual solutions. Whenever there's a tragedy that grabs wide attention, all manners of “spiritual gurus” pop up in an attempt to make a name for themselves. Recently, a witch doctor lost his not-so-hard earned reputation when he nearly drowned. He had been called upon to act on his claim that he had incantations with which he could communicate with spirits to release the body of the allegedly drowned afro-pop musician, Castro. The irony. As a Christian, when pastors cash in on disasters for personal glory, I get very angry.

There are two groups of pastors when it comes to cashing in on disasters. There are those who swear they are experts in eschatology and always claim every disaster is a sign of the End Times. These people keep predicting the end of the world and well, we are still here. I’ve heard a few pastors on radio say that Ebola is punishment from God because of homosexuals. Another said it was one of the prophesied pestilences that herald the Second Coming of Christ. This group is generally annoying but not as dangerous as the second group.
The second group, which in my opinion is the more dangerous, is the ‘Miracle Workers’. These pastors claim they can cure anything. A few years ago, there was one group that refused to have their children immunized against poliobecause their religious leaders told them not to. Polio would probably have been completely eliminated if not for such groups.

People are dying from diseases that could have been cured if people sought early help instead of spiritual solutions. Sick people are traveling all the way from Ghana to Nigeria to consult pastors when a hospital is nearer. For me this is frustrating. My opinion is that these religious leaders should be arrested and charged with murder any time one of these people dies. One of the most annoying things about people who seek spiritual solution is, whenever the said patient is about to die, they manage to take the person to the hospital. By which time, it is usually too late for the doctors to do anything. If however, the doctor manages to save the patient, you see them in the churches of these charlatans giving thanks to the pastor for saving their lives.
In recent times, there’s been a new group of conspiracy theorist. Their mantra goes something like, “So-so-and-so disease was created in the lab by white people to kill black people”. For me these people are just entertaining. I love listening to them spew big words and twisted scientific concepts to suit their arguments.
Two Americans are reportedly responding to an experimental Ebola medication.  Obama recently said, the cure isn’t ready for Africa yet. "They conduct dangerous drug trails on unsuspecting Africans all the time but the one that actually works they won’t try on us?", was what one said to me. Conspiracy theorist had a field day. I honestly have no opinion. I just want a proven cure made available.

So if rumors are to be believed, no disease is caused naturally by pathogens. Certainly not Ebola. It’s either spiritual or artificial. People have been advised to stay away from bush meat but knowing they can’t be bothered. They hold fast to their archaic views to either cause panic or to holding on to some ridiculous cure claim.

Anyone who knows me would know I’m a bit of a germaphobe. Ever since the Ebola rumors started I’ve been overdosing on hand sanitizers, bathing every time I get back home no matter how brief I was outdoors and staying away from anything I didn't cook myself.

If you ever meet me don’t offer to give me a hug or handshake. Stay a safe distance and throw me a peace sign. Peace!

what is the strangest thing you've heard about Ebola? Please share

comments

Thursday, 3 July 2014

PMS: Ghana's World Cup and That Time of the Month

I swear I didn't make any of this stuff up. Not even the ridiculously unbelievable parts. It’s all true, I promise.

After a somewhat impressive performance by Ghana’s Black Stars at the last two World Cups, big things were expected at our third outing. If only we knew what was coming…

We lost to our usual whipping boys the USA and that wasn't even the worst thing about our tournament. There we allegations of match fixing with a video of certain football Administrators agreeing to bribe referee influence matches. In their defense, they were set up but as Micky Bricks said, "You can't con an honest man". This also wasn't the worst thing to come out.

Stories of unpaid bonuses and player agitations began to filter into the country but officials kept on denying them. I understand that a man is due his wages and no one would be happy if they weren't paid. What I didn't understand was why on the biggest stage players were more concerned about money than about playing. Forget about patriotism, it died long ago. Why not play for personal glory? Think of all the money you could make if you put up a great performance. Kevin-Prince Boateng moved from lowly Portsmouth to AC off the back of his 2010 performance.

I’m not sure what happened but the next thing we knew, there were rumors that our president had made available a chartered flight from Ghana to Brazil carrying in excess of $3 million (US not Zimbabwean). My first reaction was, “this is too ridiculous to be true”.

Turns out it was true. The news spread like wild fire on social media and foreign news outlets. Every news channel made time to mock the ridiculousness of the story. In this age of technology? The president confirmed he had sanctioned this transfer and some members of his cabinet didn't seem to see the big deal.

John Boye kissing his share of the booty

By this act, they had managed to caricature the whole nation till not one drop of respect was left to save face. One TV station, Globo, in Brazil managed to broadcast live the landing of the money plane by planting secret cameras somewhere. Apparently, the Brazilian government also insisted on counting the money so it could be taxed properly so the counting was also shown live on TV.  The sharing of the money was also shown live on TV. One player was shown kissing his share of the booty as he came out of the money room. The next day Ghanaians were the butt of all jokes on social media. The money plane saga was so incredulous that a Hollywood director is think of making a movie out of it. We lost to Portugal in our last game completing our disgraceful outing. There was still time for a bonus act as there was some controversy even about them coming home. It’s not like we didn't see all this coming before the tournament.
Meanwhile, back in Ghana, everyone was going on strike (or threatening to) due to unpaid wages. Polytechnic Lecturers at the time this post is being written have been on strike for 7 weeks. Not a single f*$k has been given about their strike. I’m not even sure the Government knows they are on strike because no serious attempt has been made to address their concerns. We can fly $3 million in 2 days to Brazil to satisfy under-performing footballers but can’t pay whatever pittance lecturers are asking for?

Then it was announced that on the first of July, Electricity tariffs would be increased by 12%, water by 6% and fuel prices were also expected to go up. This prompted a movement of social media #OccupyFlagStaffHouse which led to a demonstration. Police armed to the teeth tried to prevent this peaceful demonstration but failed. While the demonstration was going on, members of the president’s cabinet (Hannah Tetteh and Joseph Yammin) found time to mock the protesters further proving how far removed politicians are from the suffering of regular folks.

But this isn't my most ridiculous story of the past two weeks. Government has managed to secure a loan of $156 million to help support the educational sector. Part of the loan would be used for scholarships, new building and… wait for it… providing sanitary pads for female high school students. I swear I didn't make that up! This news sparked some hilarious comment and memes on social media to cap off a ridiculous couple weeks in Ghana. Given the way so many other government interventions have gone, you don't need too much of a stretch of the imagination to picture how this program will end.


comments