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Sunday, 4 September 2016

President Mahama, Making History



First Ghanaian President to hit 1 million followers. Nice! 


From Kwame Nkrumah to Jerry John Rawlings, there was no Facebook so they are out. Even if they have Facebook pages now, it wasn't while they were president so no competition. 



That leaves John Kufuor and Atta Mills. Facebook started in 2004 but it was only in September 2006 that it was open to people outside University campuses in US and UK. 

2009 John Kufuor goes out without achieving a million followers or a Facebook page. 

Step in John Evans Atta Mills, he didn't have a Facebook page. Or did he? 

Anyway, 2010 Facebook celebrity pages isn't a thing so no one can be said to have a million followers. 

Atta Mills passes away in 2012 without achieving a million followers. 

Only one person left in the race to 1 million followers. 

2016 John Mahama becomes first Ghana President to reach 1 million. 

In a one man race with no one paying attention, President Mahama dashes to a finish line that isn't really there. 

History is made...



Some say President Mahama is the Usain Bolt of Gh Presidential Facebook race and it's hard to argue with them. He has no challenger, literally... 



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Friday, 5 August 2016

Election 2016: Know Your Political Parties #GhanaDecides

It's getting to election time and most parties have by now nominated their flag bearers, running mates and put on their Election Sunday wear. Earlier this year I wrote a post on a different platform on what to expectbefore the elections and it was almost prophetic.

As the elections draw closer and closer still, I've decided to do a brief introduction for those of you who somehow still don't know about the main political parties in Ghana.

NDC:


The last four year have been touted as “Action Years” by President Mahama and his team. The elections were won on the inspiring and eloquently put slogan, “E dey bee kɛkɛ”. True to his words, there has been a lot of “Action” in the last four years. From the melodic voices of generators, taxes breaking olympic high jump records, 4x100 relay of unfulfilled political promises to name but a few. The action never seems to end.



As we get closer, the President urges us all to look at his good works and ignore detractors and vote for another four years of action. What is there not to like?


NPP:
Gone were the days when a few months to election NPP would be organizing lectures and press conferences with Economic gurus like Dr Bawumia bamboozling us with with indigestible terms and huge numbers that tell us that we are suffering. The next few days would have been spent on every radio station trying to explain to perplexed morning show host what all the big words meant.

These days, however, NPP have realized all those don't win elections. Catchy slogans do. I would have thought that coming to this realization, Nana and team would pull out Sheikh IC Quaye from whatever drawer he's hiding in, dust him up and shake up a few catchy slogan but no. They chosen a different strategy.

www.sportskeeda.com

So far NPP's focus has been on the EC chairwoman, the electoral process and every everything surrounding the EC. Everyday on the news, it's a new story about how the election are going to be rigged, how the EC chairwoman is not credible and doesn't deserve the job. Let's see how this new strategy goes.



PPP, CPP, PNC:
The race for the below 2% votes has never been more drab. I'm guessing that the strategy is to lay low then a few days to the election, they spring a surprise so stunning on us that we will have no choice but to vote for them.



The PNC wowed all of us by digging through their trunk and pulling out a wrinkled Dr Mahama and without ironing proceeded to display him before the public as their presidential aspirant. I'm guessing the strategy here being, some people will mistakenly vote for him, given there will be two Mahamas on the ballot paper.

When was the last time I heard of CPP…



Paa Kwesi Nduom just elected Brigitte Dzogbenuku and everyone proceeded to ignore everything about her and remind us that she was Miss Ghana 1991. Paa Kwesi, has given some interviews on his plans for Ghana. They've been well thought out and very eloquent but we all know where that got Dr Abu Sakara.


The Rest:


This is where all the fun is. The Parties with Presidential candidates whose name we will find out on election day and promptly forget them the moment we walk out the booth. Before that day, finding their campaign posters will be like treasure hunting.

Notable among them are former First lady Nana Konadu who after pulling a massive 3% vote against the Late Prof Atta Mill decided she had enough of a following to form her own party.


Hassan Ayariga who left us with so many memorable quotes and then decided the CPP was too small for him and also formed his own party.



Akua Donkor, who has followed President Mahama to a few international conferences which have given her the experience she needs to rule a country.

So now you know.... 



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Saturday, 5 March 2016

General Mosquito NDC's Big Gun

General Mosquito is the big gun the NDC pulls out anytime they get agitated by the NPP. I know it's absurd to have "BIG" and General Mosquito in the same sentence but in my opinion that's exactly what he is. 

Now here is the thing about big guns, they are not always efficient, but they are good for scare tactics and creating diversions. Sometimes a snipers rifle would be ideal but a bazooka is just scarier. 

When the NPP attacks the NDC on any issue, the NDC doesn't send someone to go debate Bawumia or whoever the NPP sent. They send General Mosquito to the radio stations to make a whole lot of noise like the big gun that he is and create a distraction such that people forget what is was exactly the NPP was saying. 

The beautiful thing about this big gun is that often times there is little or no recoil to damage to himself or to the NDC. It doesn't matter what General Mosquito says, he has the full support of members of his party.

NPP used to have sir John as their big gun but the recoil from shots was always so bad the NPP themselves would end up having some damage. In the end, the self inflicted damage was what destroyed sir John. The General is still firing. 

When the stories of General Mosquito came out of him wearing his wife's coat in Germany, he managed to spin it into a story of a loving husband who have so image issues and therefore had no problems wearing his wife's cloths. 

When Nana Addo gave his version of the State of the Nation's Address, you just knew that NDC were not going to send someone with big titles after him. They sent General Mosquito and from there, the radio stations and TV station were distracted. 

Right now what the NPP needs as we get into elections season isn't more Bawumia speeches to impress elitist/pseudo-elitist voters but their version of General Mosquito to make a whole lot of noise.

I recently wrote a blog post on Politics and Political Reactions in Ghana and General Mosquito featured heavily in it. 

General Mosquito is not the most effective gun for killing enemies but he's by far the most impressive gun in Ghanaian politics. 




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Friday, 8 January 2016

Spreading Fear and Panic

I've seen all the fear and Panic being spread around by reports of twoformer Guantanamo Bay detainees arriving in Ghana. I'm not sure what informed the choice of Ghana as their preferred destination and I'm not sure I totally agree with them coming here but it looks like the deed has already been done. The next logical step, of course, is to spread fear and panic, like we always do.

Frankly, once again I'm totally disappointed in the opposition parties. They are busy, literally, biting each other. The radio stations are doing a good job spreading the fear and panic and should be congratulated.

However, I think there are some things they've missed that would cause the masses to be more agitated than they already are.

Let's for a moment forget that these two Yemenis were formerly terrorists suspects, they've been cleared of all charges so yeah, let's forget.

You guys realize that they won't be housed in 4x4 meters Single room self contained building at places like Agbogba, Gbetsile or Kakasunanka Number 1, right? They will be housed in some really posh part of Ghana where they won't pay bills or probably even suffer Dumsor.

They have to survive so they will probably be given tax free stipends and allowances which will most definitely be more than your monthly salary. Are you jealous yet?

There's also the 'they are coming to take our girls' angle that few people have considered.

One of them is also one pony tail and a shave away from being mistaken for a Spaniard”

Mahmoud Omar Bin Atef

Once they start earning free money which I previously stated will be more than your salary, they will move to the gals dem. As stated in the quote by @madjetey, one of them looks suspiciously like the Alejandros and Miguels in Mexican soaps that some Ghanaian ladies seem to like so much. I don't see myself winning a rat race with Alejandro-wannabe who is living in a posh house and earning more than me.

Then there's the possibility of them becoming celebrities in Ghana. I saw pictures of the ex-detainees and one looked like he could easily pass for Jesus in a Ghanaian movie and the other could easily pass for Moses. If the Kumawood movie producers see them they'd start getting ideas and the next thing you know, they would be on TV and in every VIP bus being Jesus or Moses. Before long they will be winning trophies at the Ghana movie awards and starring in movies next to Nadia Buari and Majid Michel. 

I read this morning that Alejandro-wannabe said he's happy to be in Ghana. I would too if I were him considering all the many opportunities I'd be enjoying soon. 



In an interview with one of the local radio stations, the ex- Gitmo detainees stated they watched the World Cup and cheered when Ghana beat the US in previous competitions. Alejandro-wannabe said he liked Asamoah Ghana a lot and so did other detainees. I wonder how they felt when Asamoah Gyan missed the penalty? It's totally possible that there were wagers on the match and some people lost money. What if they want revenge for the money they lost? 



I could go on and on about the possibilities but i'm guessing you get the point and i've succeeded in spreading more fear and panic than is already in the system. 


You are welcome



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Saturday, 28 November 2015

How Lions became the Rulers of Gaana (a Ghanaian Folktale)

Long long ago, when the Earth was still young, Man and all animals lived at peace in the great forest called Gaana that Mawu Sogbolisa, God of all things, had created.

Man's reign in Gaana was a time of peace and prosperity. The forest flourished and the animals grew fat. In the Forest's hierarchy of Power, after man came the monkeys who despite their mischievous ways were actually very wise, did their jobs well and kept their shenanigans to themselves. Next came the Lions who were creatures of great avarice and power, yet, they too did their jobs.

Somewhere along the line, Man and Mawu had a big falling out for reasons that are now lost to myths and legends. Mawu was so brokenhearted by whatever it was the Man did that he drove him out of the great forest into the wilderness. Then Mawu ascended into the Heavens and the forest was left ungoverned for centuries.

Various religions have their own version on this falling out but no one can say for sure what actually happened. This story is not a story about Man and Mawu's fallout; this is about what happened after.

Things changed when Man was removed from the forest of Gaana. The monkey tribe and the Lion tribe fought a bloody war over Gaana for so long that what was once paradise became a hellhole.

One day the other creatures had a secret meeting at which they decided it was time to once and for all pick one tribe to rule over them. Most of the animals agreed they didn't have the technical know how to rule a great forest and grudgingly agreed to choose between the Monkey Tribe and the Lion Tribe. It was decided that the two tribes would have to convince the animals they were worthy of being the royal family. The elections were to be held on the memorial of Man's treachery which was three months away. The Crow was sent to tell the Monkeys and Lions of this decision.

The Lion tribe immediately launched themselves into campaign mode. They agreed among themselves that they would tell any animal who would listen that they had become herbivores. No Lion was supposed to be seen eating anything but fruits in public. They started spreading the stories through the forest grapevine. Though no animal wanted to believe it they never saw any Lion eating any other animal. When they pointed out that some animals were mysteriously disappearing, the Lions said they saw some of the animal leaving the forest because they missed Man and were going to live with him. There was no proof to suggest otherwise so the animals started to believe Lions were now herbivores.

The Lions also came up with a story about how they had fought side by side with Man in a great war to protect the forest from Sasabonsam and his horde of Demons. No other animal could remember such an incident happening but the Lions repeated this story so often that it became the truth. Soon other animals started telling these stories. The more the story was told, the more fantastic it became.

Meanwhile, the Monkey tribe were busy jumping from tree to tree having and engaging in all sort of mischief. They were constantly seen throwing rotten fruits and sometimes their own faeces at each other and sometimes at passersby. They couldn't be bothered about convincing the other animals to vote for them. In their opinion, they were the animals who looked like Man the most and since the other animals missed Man so much, they would vote for Monkeys as the next ruler.

The older animals who really wanted the Monkey as ruler were disappointed in their tactics and sent a delegation to tell the Monkeys to behave more seriously, at least during the campaign period.

However, when the Monkeys saw the delegation at a distance, they threw rotten fruits at them and wouldn't even get down from the trees to listen to whatever the delegates had to say. On the other side of the forest the Lions were becoming more popular everyday. 

Finally the day of the elections came and all the animals showed up to vote. The Monkeys showed up handing out fruits to everyone and reminding them of how much monkeys looked like man. Everyone in the queue was seen eating a fruit on their way to cast the vote.

That evening when the results were announced, Lions won by a huge margin to the Monkeys surprise. They screamed and protested insisting that the elections were rigged but no one listened.

A fortnight later, the chief Lion was made King of the Jungle and the Lion tribe was declared the royal family. The monkeys went back into the forest and to this day are still throwing rotten fruits and faeces at each other.

This is the story of how Lions and not Monkey became rulers of the forest called Gaana.

The End!


Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters and incidents are either a product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.  

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Thursday, 24 September 2015

Politics and Political Reactions from Ghana

Imagine a scenario in which on the President's birthday, he takes a break from work and goes jet skiing with some unknown lady. Now imagine during the jet skiing there's an accident while the president is steering and the lady falls off and begins to drown. Now, imagine the president steps off the jet ski, walks on the water to where the lady is drowning and pulls her out of the water like Jesus did with Peter. What would be the general reaction of various Ghanaian groups?

credit showbiz.peacefmonline.com


NPP:
(Hurriedly organizes press conference)
Bawumia: It is very sad that a time of economic crisis like this, the President is still adding years to his age while Ghanaians are suffering.

Mahama's latest antics have a negative repercussion on the economy. By walking on water, he's telling local boat makers and other artisans that their wares are not good enough to use and also encouraging the youth to walk on water rather that use made in Ghana life jackets.
This could also affect investor confidence in our economy.

I have in my hand a document proving that since that walking on water event, the cedi has depreciated by 25% and we are not likely to meet the IMF's target of single digit inflation by the end of the year.

When we come to power, we will ensure free educations from High School to PhD level.
Such arrogance from the NDC can not be tolerated.

(Gabe Otchere-Darko and co organize demo)

credit www.kapital971.com



NDC:
General Mosquito: All what the NPP are saying is nonsense. Besides, when they were in power they did far worse. We all remember in 2007 when then president Kufuor stepped out of an aeroplane and walked on air without a parachute for no reason. That led to the cedi dropping to it's all time low and affecting oil prices on the international market. When we complained they said it was part of the HIPC initiative.

Weren't we all in this country when the president's brother was seen celebrating his birthday at a time of economic hardship. He even added two years to his age and when we complained in parliament they said “yɛ bɛ wu nti yɛn da”?

Besides, what is wrong with the president walking on water? This could boost our tourism sector.


Credit www.viasat1.com.gh


CPP:
This is why our first president Osagyefo Dr Kwame Nkrumah built the Akosombo Dam and the Tema Motorway which in those days were the best in Africa. It is sad how both the NDC and NPP have allowed facilities to deteriorate.

Nkrumah had a vision to make Ghana the most developed country in the world. He started before he was overthrown by member of the the Danquah-Busia tradition in a CIA funded coup. If he had been allowed to successfully implement his plans we wouldn't be at a situation where the president would have to be walking on water.

Ghanaian need to open their eyes are realize that these two parties have nothing to offer.

(at the CPP press conference; low press turn out and CPP members present look disinterested and are busy discussing something else)

credit: www.zaaradio.com



SOCIAL MEDIA:

RT @TtdaBoi: The woman on the jet ski doesn't look like the first lady but that's none of my business (inserts appropriate meme)

RT @GhSavage: @TtdaBoi yeah but she's fine! I'd totally smash her (insert inappropriate emoji)

RT: @ArabaFNista: why was the president the one driving the jet ski not the lady? Patriarchy in this country is systemic

RT @ManUtd4Lyf: Charle that goal by Rooney though... World Class!!

RT @GhAtheist: Jesus didn't actually walk on water. Evidence suggests Jews in that era regularly rode a now extinct giant turtle called the Bullshitus imadethisup (inserts link here)

RT @Kofi_2fresh: Any girl that hangs her clothes on a nail is a hoe

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yɛ bɛ wu nti yɛn da - should we refuse to sleep because we fear death? A Ghanaian proverb that basically mean fear of the unknown shouldn't prevent you from living

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Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Fool Proof Guide to Grabbing (Chalewote 2016 Blueprint)

Guest Blogger: OOMF

You went to the ChaleWote 2015 street art festival alone and you returned home solo ? Don’t worry, we have a foolproof guide to help you find your life partner in Jamestown next year. The Chalewote street art festival undoubtedly has risen to become Ghana’s biggest street fiesta. We are still wondering why Oko hasn’t blown the whistle for it to become the city’s annual festival. Imagine how much this economically sick country could benefit from the tourism potential. Well, obviously the bearded Mayor is not an official whose thinking we can understand in less than a decade. The Chale wote street art festival is a different paradigm though, we have gone through 5 years of data, pictures, videos, trends, statistics and scripts, and we have analyzed same to come up with this scientific guide.
Come alone, if you wanna leave as a couple.
Chaley, forget those who don’t know Jamestown and want you to show them so they wanna go with you. It is a faux pas if you wanna grab. NEVER go with a girl. If you have to….then go with two. With this arrangement, no one will mistake her for your girlfriend and this will keep your ‘I wanna grab my crush at Chale wote’ dream alive. The unwritten rule is, if a guy and gal are on the ussher fort street on Chale wote day, they are an item. Simple. There will be no opportunity for you to explain yourself to anyone, because nobody  will ask, they will just assume. AVOID it. Go alone, or go with more than one lady, and play the ‘friend zoned’ boy game. Play it well, else go back home, you ain't grabbing




Wondering what to wear?
First of all just google ‘Chale wote’, this should give you tonnes of images on what others wore to previous Chale wote events. It is no rocket science. It is an art festival, so express yourself. No matter what you do, do NOT show up tacked in with shoes. You will become a twitter meme, and nobody would want you for a boyfriend or girlfriend. You are better off going naked than showing up in Jamestown with your office wear or your Sunday church service attire. Keep it simple, you can never go wrong with jeans – jeans shorts, jeans trousers, tattered, dirty……nobody cares. The dirtier the better, this is all art remember?



Go with an umbrella. Just do it!
We know how awkward it is to be with an umbrella at a street art festival. But trust us, the gains are much much more heavier than the losses with this strategy. A few paddies will laugh at you and perhaps you will lose your guy-guy title, yes we know, a guy with an umbrella at such a parade isn’t the sexiest scene on such a day. However, we do realize that, considering the month Chale wote is organized in (July/Aug), there is a 55% chance it will rain. And if that doesn’t happen, worry not, the sun will be so hot you will still need it at some point. In fact, during 3 of the 5 past chale wotes, there have been some drizzling or heavy showers at some point. This is likely going to happen again next year. When the rain starts, everyone will be looking for cover - canopies, sheds,  sheets, waakye leaves, handkerchiefs etc. This is when your umbrella investment will yield measurable results. Pull it out of its cover and target your crush. Trust us, this will be your fastest working juju. She will run towards you for cover. Be strategic about it though, don’t bring it out until you are close enough to her to realize you are the only smart guy in the bunch. If you unveil your umbrella too soon, your net might catch the wrong fish….and you might not be able to say no. If you bring it out too late, she might have already found cover by then. Be strategic, watch the clouds every now and then, and keep a respectable distance. Don’t be too aggressive, respect yourself!


Go with trotro, but keep enough money for cab on your return
If you have your own car, this post is obviously not for you. If you have worked hard to buy your own car, then you can obviously grab your own crush, close the browser and invest your time into something else.. This post is for those who need help. You are on a tight budget, we know, in fact, we all are. The economy is hard, but man has to make an impression. We got your back. It is okay to go to Chale wote with trotro. Trust us, nobody really cares what vehicle you came in. Keep the ‘laborrow’ favours your friend owes you for another day, don’t go for his car. In fact you will realize there isn’t much parking space on the day, and getting out once you have had fun becomes a puzzle if you are driving your own car. Jamestown is known for blocking roads without notice, and they do that all the time, don’t fall in that trap. Your return journey is important though, if you were lucky, and your crush liked you too, you may wanna go home in a cab, or take her somewhere nice to Osu, or wherever. At this point, trotro might not cut it. Come on!  Show her you are a simple guy, but let her know you can make things happen too.

By all means do check out the lighthouse
The lighthouse is the cheapest way to see all of Accra from that height. The other options are the Villagio’s $100,000 penthouse or an Emirates flight on a sunny day. For a small fee of Ghs 5, you get to go on an adventure you won’t forget. If you are targeting someone you wanna convert into your bebe, convince her to go with her. First of all, it will take her breath away. Literally it will. And she will remember you were the one who made that happen. If the lighthouse doesn’t scare her, then you should be afraid. Very afraid. It could be that she might have been to higher heights…….the World Trade Center maybe? You may wanna consider plan B if this is the case.
Secondly, from our research, more than 70% of the ladies who tried the lighthouse held the hands of the soul closest to them. They don’t really care who it is, it could be another lady, a guy, or the guide. Place yourself well well. After the first curve on the stairs, she would want a hand to hold unto, be ready! Don’t leave her hands because she will have no intentions of leaving yours. And when you get on top of the lighthouse, show her Accra, with a guy-guy attitude. She will be impressed, especially if she had never been up that high.

Image via @AeroShutter

Learn some Ga, it will come in handy
Ga is not so difficult to learn apparently. Most of the kantamanto stall owners speak fluent Ga but are either Kwahus or Ashantis, and they’ve been in the city for just a few months. If you want to make a good impression at Chale wote, learn a few words in advance. ‘Kpa’ is stop! ‘Kw3’ means Hey! These two should be a good start. Once you have gotten yourself hooked unto the lady you’d wanna convert, she will need some protection. See, take if from us, ladies love a guy who knows the street lingua. Chale wote is not just for adults like you, it is also a period for all the Jamestown kids to throw themselves unto the streets. The Chale wote crew does a good job at keeping them away, but abi you know….a Ga kid is a Ga kid, they cannot be chained. When the kids harass or keep on tailing you, throw in Kw3! This should keep them away. Not because it is a complete sentence, but because it tells them you are one of them…….they will let you go so you can complete you mission. Or carry on from wherever you left off.


Hungry? Avoid the pito joint
The pito joint is super tempting tent. If you need some dutch courage to boost your morale, don’t drink more than one calabash of the liquor. Avoid it repeat doses. First you might end up spending all your taxi fare on it and secondly it might foil your grabbing chances. Pito has a way of leaving its signature on your breath…just get one calabash and brush it with a hacks toffee. Leave the rest to those who have already grabbed, or those who wanna bury their Mahama induced misery. If you want more to drink find the fresh fruit stands, grab yourself a cup. Most of these sellers run promos, look out for the ones shouting in the middle of the Mantse Agbona park, you are sure to get a good affordable drink. Some also offer discounts, yet they wait till the customer asks, so never forget to ask the most important question whenever you buy at Chale Wote – “No discount anaa”???


True colors? Double check
Chale wote is a mine-field for art. Some of the art don’t look like art at a first glance, you may have to turn your head at 180 degrees to see the hidden meaning. Others have no meaning at all, and that is their art. But the art is not restricted to the objects alone. The attendees add lots of flavor to the art. On the day, you might struggle a bit to identify certain people since they wouldn’t be in their everyday clothes. So when you see a nice lady you like, get closer……much much closer. Does she still sparkle? If she does, well then she has passed the first test. Take her though two more tests. Get her to wash her face with water…..if the make-up washes off, then she is not the one you want to be with. Trust us, anyone who uses cheap ways to deceive you isn’t worth dying for. However if the make-up still sticks, then she would have passed the second test. It means her make-up isn’t cheap, but she could still not be as sparking beneath.Use the 3rd test to check how she looks beneath………..…Hm! There is no 3rd test. Take a leap of faith, your worst would be a dadabee girl who knows it is wiser to spend on genuine make-up. Her gamble paid off……you are the victim! Live with it.


Natural Hair? Don’t mistake her for a Feminist
Gone are the days when natural hair was the best way to identify a feminist. With the plunging economy, many other ladies are kicking their hairdressers off their monthly budgets. It is much easier now, because now it is seen as a cool thang. Nobody knows the main reason is to save them some extra cash. They say convenience is their reason….. yooo, we hear.

But hey, perhaps you don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with a lady who swears it is not her duty to carry foetus for 9 months once you get married, and because of that you have made it a point to avoid feminists? Don’t make the common mistake of assuming the natural haired ladies at Chale wote are all feminist. Actually our data shows  a majority of them are not. So how do you identify those who are? Well first a true feminist is likely to show up with another true feminist. So if you see two or more natural hair ladies admiring art with big English, that is not your corner. Go somewhere else where you can find peace. If that is a hard litmus test for you to implement, try this one. Ask them what they think about a Female Ghanaian President. If their answer is “well it depends on who it is”, chances are she is not a true feminist. If however her first paragraph has the words ‘misogyny’ ‘patriarchy’ or ‘male privilege’, my brother, FLEE! Flee without thinking about where you are headed.

Enjoy your Chale Wote Street art Festival . If you have unique grabbing stories you wanna share with us, let us know in the comments else tell us what you think about what our years of data reveals.

by One of My Twitter Followers

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