Spreading Fear and Panic

I've seen all the fear and Panic being spread around by reports of twoformer Guantanamo Bay detainees arriving in Ghana. I'm not sure what informed the choice of Ghana as their preferred destination and I'm not sure I totally agree with them coming here but it looks like the deed has already been done. The next logical step, of course, is to spread fear and panic, like we always do.

Frankly, once again I'm totally disappointed in the opposition parties. They are busy, literally, biting each other. The radio stations are doing a good job spreading the fear and panic and should be congratulated.

However, I think there are some things they've missed that would cause the masses to be more agitated than they already are.

Let's for a moment forget that these two Yemenis were formerly terrorists suspects, they've been cleared of all charges so yeah, let's forget.

You guys realize that they won't be housed in 4x4 meters Single room self contained building at places like Agbogba, Gbetsile or Kakasunanka Number 1, right? They will be housed in some really posh part of Ghana where they won't pay bills or probably even suffer Dumsor.

They have to survive so they will probably be given tax free stipends and allowances which will most definitely be more than your monthly salary. Are you jealous yet?

There's also the 'they are coming to take our girls' angle that few people have considered.

“One of them is also one pony tail and a shave away from being mistaken for a Spaniard”

-@madjetey 

Mahmoud Omar Bin Atef

Once they start earning free money which I previously stated will be more than your salary, they will move to the gals dem. As stated in the quote by @madjetey, one of them looks suspiciously like the Alejandros and Miguels in Mexican soaps that some Ghanaian ladies seem to like so much. I don't see myself winning a rat race with Alejandro-wannabe who is living in a posh house and earning more than me.

Then there's the possibility of them becoming celebrities in Ghana. I saw pictures of the ex-detainees and one looked like he could easily pass for Jesus in a Ghanaian movie and the other could easily pass for Moses. If the Kumawood movie producers see them they'd start getting ideas and the next thing you know, they would be on TV and in every VIP bus being Jesus or Moses. Before long they will be winning trophies at the Ghana movie awards and starring in movies next to Nadia Buari and Majid Michel. 

I read this morning that Alejandro-wannabe said he's happy to be in Ghana. I would too if I were him considering all the many opportunities I'd be enjoying soon. 

You Guys Didn't Tell Me We Were Taking In Jesus And Moses. But We Slack. 😭 pic.twitter.com/Nbsm4mwC5b

— R O N D O (@Koffy_9) January 8, 2016

In an interview with one of the local radio stations, the ex- Gitmo detainees stated they watched the World Cup and cheered when Ghana beat the US in previous competitions. Alejandro-wannabe said he liked Asamoah Ghana a lot and so did other detainees. I wonder how they felt when Asamoah Gyan missed the penalty? It's totally possible that there were wagers on the match and some people lost money. What if they want revenge for the money they lost? 



I could go on and on about the possibilities but i'm guessing you get the point and i've succeeded in spreading more fear and panic than is already in the system. 

You are welcome

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Jewel Ahiable and the MV Iceberg 1 Crew

I won't be too surprised if you are a Ghanaian and haven't heard the name Jewel Ahiable or heard his story. Frankly I would never have heard of him if he wasn't my girlfriend's cousin. A quick Google search will have you wondering how and why you haven't heard his story. This is a real life Captain Phillips story.

On March 29, 2010, the Ship MV Iceberg 1 was captured by Somalian Pirates who demanded a $10 million ransom to release the ship and its crew. At the time of the attack, the Panamanian-flagged ship had a crew of 24, made up of 8 Yemenis, 6 Indians, 4 Ghanaians (Jewel Ahiable, Edward Kofi Asare, Francis Koomson Senior and Prince Agbo.), 2 Sudanese, 2 Pakistani and 1 Filipino. The ship owners refused to pay the ransom and this beganthe longest held hijacked ship in modern history.

From March 29, 2010 to December 23, 2012 the crew members were held and tortured. They were permitted to make occasional desperate phone calls to the outside world to describe their plight – a way for pirates to apply pressure in the negotiating process – but for two years and nine months of captivity, nobody answered their pleas for help.

The families of the Ghanaian captives tried to petition the Ghanaian government at the time to help bring the captives home but they were constantly frustrated by the 'Powers that be' and by bureaucracy. According to the government they didn't want any public attention around the incident so that the pirates didn't get too excited.

I've attached a soundcloud audio of Jewel Ahaible and the other crew members narrating their ordeal on Citi FM after their rescued.

audio edited by Esianyo Kumodzi 

At the time of the rescue Ghanaians were still reeling from the death of President Atta Mills and the tension around the December 7^th election was still fresh. The news of their rescue would definitely have lifted the mood of the country. I've seen on TV the kind of reaction that followed the rescue of people in perilous situation. The Chilean Miners' rescue and the Hiatian Man found 11 days after the Earthquake being examples.

Since the Government did not contribute anything whatsoever to their rescue and return, the least they could have done was welcome them and created some sort of fan-fair about their rescue but no. They arrived quietly with just Citi FM and their families to meet them. In fact, their rescue was celebrated by Somalians and not Ghanaians. They were hosted by the Somalian President and rode in luxury cars on the streets of Somalia with people cheering them everywhere.

After 3 years of being tortured they received no compensation or the pay due them during the period. The company that owned the ship owed them a few months pay before the ship set off and that hasn't been paid yet. The 4 Ghanaian have tried on many occasion to get the money due them. They've tried to petition the government and relevant bodies but to no avail.

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A Letter to a Wannabe Terrorist

This was my first satirical piece. I wrote it in 2010 after the failed suicide bombing attack by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab nicknamed rather underwhelmingly, "The Underwear Bomber".

A LETTER TO A WANNABE TERRORIST

Somewhere in Ghana,

02/01/2010

Dear Mr. Terrorist Wannabe,

I’ve been wondering for some time what prompted you to take up your new profession that ended before it even started. After thinking about it for a while I decided to write to you.

I really don’t blame you for your misguided actions. I blame your rich parents for not giving a good African beating that you deserve and which is long overdue. I’m talking about the kind my Old Man gave me in class 2 when I couldn’t say my 7 times table. After that switching of my behind I was reciting it in minutes. Instead they rewarded you with a trip to the UK to study Engineering; you’d think there weren’t enough Universities in Africa. What sort of parents are those? When they heard you were frolicking in Yemen, one wonders why they didn’t order you back home for another severe African beating? Instead they reported you to the American Embassy.

I don’t blame the American for not taking them serious, they know Africans can’t do anything right, and you proved them right. Why should they commit resources to an African amateur terrorist when there are serious minded terrorist trotting around the globe? You just affirmed that the African can’t get anything right. There wasn’t even a small pop, how pathetic.

Where on Earth did you purchase those explosives, the black on market? Don’t you know that goods bought on the African Black Market are of questionable quality and sold by shady characters? Nobody here was surprised they didn’t work. In fact, if you had been smart enough to ask someone they would have shown you where to get original explosives at Christmas discount prices.

If I may ask, why on Earth did you hide the explosives in your underwear? Did you not read the terrorist handbook ‘Terrorism for Dummies’? In the last chapter it states that “all terrorist after a successful completion of the deed shall be guaranteed 70 virgins”. What were you planning to Service them with when your Organ would have been destroyed beyond recognition and repair.

Finally I’d like to conclude by saying you an absolute disgrace to all terrorist, an even bigger embarrassment to Africans everywhere and most of all a big shame to all my many Nigerian friends. May you rot in Guantanamo Bay with 70 strong men ready to attack you from behind day and night without any lubrication.

A fellow African,

Dela.

Mutallab ; n: A rich kid who attempts to throw his life away for silly reasons. 

Usage Examples: 'Are you a Mutallab?' 'Stop this Mutallabness.' 'get out of the road you Muta-Muta.' 

Local Dialect Use>' Wo ma Mutallab ori e', 'Commot your Mutallab body for my shop! 

Accepted abbreviation> Mu-Mu

 

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