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Saturday, 1 February 2014

Funny Money: the History of Ghana's Money (Pictures)

Pictures of some of Ghana's money over the years

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Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Gh Services Providers: ECG, GCB and the Telcos


ECG (Electricity Company of Ghana)

After 36 hours of no power, I had become reflective and philosophical. I came to the conclusion that ECG wasn't some false idol but a true god that controlled my life. I pleaded with them to forgive me for all the bad things I said about them, the insults and curses. I was truly remorseful. I just wanted them to have pity on me so I could charge my phone and laptop. I didn't want my stew in the fridge to go rancid. The ice in the fridge had thawed and now everything else was melting. But ECG didn't heed my prayer. It didn't matter that I had lots of credit on the prepaid meter. ECG punished me for a further 8 hours.

ECG is a drug dealer that gives us enough of their 'merchandise' to get us hooked and when we were addicted, they would take it away and only give it back after we were forced to pay an unreasonable price for less than average services.

Every year, tariffs go up with the promise of improved services. This has been going on long before I was born.



A friend in Nigeria sent me this picture from an old News Paper Clipping, same story in Ghana


GCB (Ghana Commercial Bank)

Ghana Commercial Bank, sigh...
What isn't wrong with Ghana Commercial Bank? Withdrawing money can be so demeaning it feels as if you are begging not withdrawing your own money. The problem is that GCB is the one bank you can find in every corner of Ghana. When I was doing my National Service in Ashanti Manpong it was the only Bank I could access.


I was recently at one GCB branch and the banking hall and a long winding queue. The air condition wasn't working and there were only 3 tellers at post even though there were about 7 cages. Suddenly one teller just shut her cage and refused to take customers. She didn't go anywhere, she just sat there like an Egyptian sphinx, her eyes glazed with her mind faraway. Some customers pleaded with her to help but she just sat there unresponsive, almost catatonic.

The other two who were working were so slow it was painful to watch. Even worse, the money counting machine kept jamming and they had to clear it and recount. One of them stopped using the machine and would lick her finger and slowly start counting the money herself. Sometimes, she would get confused and start all over again.

I remember when I was in the University (KNUST) it was common occurrence for students who used the ATM not to receive the cash but have their accounts debited. Sometimes the Machine would give less than the money requested but the receipt would show the full amount had been deducted.



GCB was the bank that allowed the lowest minimum balance and for some students, was the only bank back home so we endured these frustrations. Somewhere along the line, students changed the GCB motto from, “We Serve You Better” to “We Swerve You Better”.


TELCOS:

It seems like all the telcos went to a meeting and unanimously decided to frustrate customers. Poor service coupled with infuriating spam SMS is enough to drive anyone crazy. It's amazing how these telcos can send you an SMS telling to send 123 to 456 to register for a raffle but can't send an SMS to inform users of a problem that is going to affect all users nation wide. They won't spend money improving services but will spend millions of cedis to bring some washed out American singer to come perform for 30 minutes. Everyday telcos are giving away cars and cash at one beauty pageant or the other. Their help lines, offer no help at all. The helpers only apologize and ask if you have restarted your phone. I do admit the ladies really have nice voices.

Recently Citi FM started a twitter hashtag #DearGhTelcos where users could vent some pent up anger and frustration. They also called the PR Managers of the various telcos to explain their poor service. The MTN PR Officer blamed China Phones and the Airtel PR Manager Donald Gwira said if users didn't like their services they could unsubscribe and move to another service providers




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Monday, 13 January 2014

African Nations In High School ( #AfricanNationsInHighSchool )

On Sunday January 12, 2014, @SiyandaWrites on twitter started the #AfricanNationsInHighSchool which quickly caught on. Africans everywhere (including yours truly) joined in with some witty tweets. Here is a collection of some of them.




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Saturday, 14 December 2013

Me, at a typical Ghanaian Function

The program was supposed to start at 09:00 but the time was changed to 11:00 the day before and people had to hurriedly call invited guests to change arrangements. The place wasn't too far from where I lived so I wasn't too bothered. I left my room at 10:00 knowing I should be there in 45 minutes max. The driver started moving in an unfamiliar direction and when I asked about it, he said it was a short cut. The journey that was supposed to be 45 minutes ended up being an hour and 20 minutes. Everyone had decided to take the short cut that day!
It was my sister's induction into the Ghana Medical Association and I was peeved that I was going to be late. These were highly educated people and I knew they would be time conscious. I entered the auditorium at 11:25 and the program hadn't began. I also noticed that more seats were being brought in. Each inductee was supposed to have only two guest but some of them came with entourages. A very typical Ghanaian trait. The security at the gate couldn't drive them away so more chairs had to be brought.

When the program started, one of the executives took the stage and, “I'm sorry for the delay it was...” and the audience went, “...due to circumstances beyond our control”, and started laughing. It was all too familiar. All Ghanaian programs seem to begin with this excuse.

There was a choir there and the MC asked them to sing. The music was really good but it was obvious they were being used as a time wasting strategy after their fifth song. By now the audience was getting impatient. It was 12:10 and what they had come to see hadn't started yet. It turned out they were waiting for the members of the council to arrive and finally they did, at 12:20.

The program started and there was this man in front of me who just refused to sit down. He was carrying his iPad over his head like he was at a political demonstration. I tried so many times to tell him he was blocking my view but he didn't seem to care. I shifted slightly to my left and so did he, to my right and he did same. I couldn't help but feel he was doing it on purpose. He also came with a lady and two kids. All this while the lady was struggling to keep the kids calm. Between the man and his family, I managed to miss most of the event.

He finally sat down after the oath and started playing the video. He couldn't wait to do this at home? The video was making noise and everyone was turning round looking for who could be so uncouth. The irony is, he kept scolding his kids to keep quiet even though the video was making more noise than they were.

To add a traditional Ghanaian feel to the induction, each inductees name was to be played on talking drums as they were mentioned. It was obvious the drummer hadn't practiced for this. The MC prolonged the reading unnecessarily by asking the drummer to beat the drums again when the sound didn't sound like the name. Sometimes he would get it right after the third try and there were 68 names! I was wondering if this was necessary. More often than not, the drummer got it wrong and the MC asked him to play again. Thankfully, we managed to reach the end of the list after a few 1000 years.

Then the MC asked if anyone in audience had a word of advice for the newly inducted Doctors and one parent stood up and went to stage. It was supposed to be a short speech but the man got stuck on stage and kept going on and on and on! I noticed one lady among the newly inducted Doctors hiding her face. I suspected that must be her Dad. The audience started clapping to encourage him to end his speech but he either didn't hear them or thought they were enjoying his speech. Either way he went on till the MC got fed up and came for the mic.

Program over. A lady came to give the votes of thanks. If you have ever been to a Ghanaian program you know the general format.

Parents were hugging their children who were now full doctors, pictures and videos were being taken everywhere, the usual. Then I noticed one man who seems to be jumping into everyone's picture. He would see a video being taken and would silently walk in the path of the camera. I had no idea who he was but anytime he tried to photobomb the pictures I was taking I would pause and wait for him to pass. I wasn't going to allow some creep in my Sister's pictures.

The refreshment was outside the hall and guests were supposed to wait for the inducted to take their share first but no one was obeying the rules. Refreshment was just some pastries and a bottled drink. People would finish theirs and go for more so many times obviously trying to get full on small chops and pastries.

I didn't come with my own car so I had to scurry home. The journey home is and the hustle of the Ghanaian public transport system is a story for another day.

PS: Congratulations lil' Sis, or do I have to call you Dr. lil Sis now?


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Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Ghana, One Year after Elections

It's been a little over a year since elections. Remember whoever you voted for? Do you still think you made the right choice? This country has lots of issues and I doubt any of the candidates could fix it but at least, if we had voted for Hassan Ayariga, we would probably be laughing so much our woes would be a bit tolerable.


Or we could have voted for the CPP, at least we would have gotten a chicken each. I was really curious how this was going to work but I guess I will never find out.

Productivity in the first six months was reduced drastically thanks to unreliable power supply and what was in my opinion a very needless election petition. Most people do not agree with me that the petition was needless. The prevailing argument being, the petition strengthen our democracy. No it did not. I never for even a second thought that the court would over turn the election results. Not because I thought the election was fair (I'm not saying it wasn't) but because it was just impractical. In Africa, after every major election, the losing party quickly refutes the results they nag and nag and results are maintained. This petition was a grand waste of time and money.

While this exercise in faultily was going on, the rest of the country was literally burning. Market fires everywhere. Not a week went by I which we didn't hear of one market or the other burning. As usual, someone these fires we politicized. The theory was that, political enemies of the ruling government were the pyromaniacs behind these fires. The president even went to get some 'Special Investigators' from America to come help investigate these fires. Till this date, we've not heard the findings of these investigations.

Anyone with an iota of sense would have realized that these fire were cause by a combination of the sporadic power outages and the power electrical wiring in the said market. Seven months of load shedding and market fires and just when the load shedding was over, the fires ended. Of cause, they would have us believe it was a coincidence.

After seven months of not getting the electricity we were so dearly paying for, long suffering Ghanaians were rewarded with a 78% increase in tariff, 2.5% increase in VAT, numerous increases in fuel prices and a general increase in prices of commodities. Then came the strikes, Doctors, Teachers, Nurses, Lawyers, Pharmacist and even at one time, taxi drivers.

It went up even further, now, fan yoghurt is GhC1.00 ðŸ˜­ðŸ˜­ðŸ˜­ðŸ˜­

Granted, the president couldn't be blamed for all these problems but at a point in time, it didn't look like he was in control of the country. The ministers were on various platform making one ridiculous statement after another. Ministers were contradicting each other and it just felt like the country was a kindergarten class without the teacher.

Then a few weeks ago the president announced that he and his member of parliament were taking a 10% pay cut. This was seen as a good sign by some and others felt it was to score political points the rest of us were just indifferent. Then a few days ago, one minister grandly said workers should follow their example and everyone should take a pay cut. Pause...

It hasn't been all gloom but the rays of sunshine have been far between. What do you remember about the year under review?



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Thursday, 3 October 2013

It's Tradition, the Ghanaian Way

An Anlo man fell in love with and married a Fanti woman. Since they both hailed from coastal towns, they liked to eat fish, especially fried fish. The lady was a really good cook and her husband was always more than satisfied with her food. However, the man had one complaint. Before frying, his wife would cut the fish into small portions and he preferred his fish fried whole.

After being quiet about this oddity in her fish frying method for a while, he finally decided to ask about it. According to his wife, cutting fish into smaller portions was the right way to fry fish. It made the fish taste better and besides, it was Fanti tradition. He wasn't too convinced about this explanation. In his opinion, the cut fried fish didn't taste any better than fried whole but when he pointed that out, his wife became unhappy. Not too keen to offend her he decided to let it be.

His mother-in-law came to visit one weekend and asked her about the fish cutting. His mother-in-law gave him an almost similar answer to his wife. Still he wasn't satisfied with explanation but decided to let it go for a while.

Somewhere around Christmas, the family decided to visit the wife's grandmother and he took the opportunity to ask his usual questions. According to Grandma, when she got married, the frying pan her husband bought was quite small and most times, the fish was too big to fit into it. She therefore decided to be cutting the fish before frying just so the fish could fit into the frying pan. Her daughter who learnt to cook from her picked it up and in turn taught his wife.


Granda said no one ever asked her why she always cut fish before frying and she hadn't really given much thought to telling anyone why she did so. It wasn't tradition, it was just done for convenience.


I grew up in a family where asking questions was encouraged. Even when we didn't have questions to ask Dad would ask why we thought something was the way it was. The answer didn't have to be right but you had to give your honest opinion no matter how outlandish it was. If we were wrong, Dad would tell us the right answer or give us a book to read.

Unfortunately, this isn't a very acceptable thing in the Ghanaian community. Most adults found it disrespectful when I asked questions. I got in trouble quite often for asking questions that were perfectly acceptable at home. It's not socially accepted for a child to know more than an adult or question adults in anyway.
Most things have perfectly logical explanations but the Ghanaian way it to credit it to some supernatural force or simply say it's tradition. Questioning the status quo often leads being branded a heretic or disrespectful.  Sadly, most people can't be bothered to find out for themselves the reason things are the way they are. "It's tradition" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

(Loosely based on a popular children's story)


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Saturday, 14 September 2013

Boat Race 2: A Political Parable

The champions of the regional boat race championship were invited to the annual International Boat race. China representing Asia, Ghana representing Africa, Iran representing the Middle East, Russia representing Europe, USA representing North and South America.

Each country set out on the task of designing a boat for the prestigious race. News began to filter in on various international papers and on social media that four Chinese Scientist had designed a boat called 'The Dragon' which traveled at twice the speed of sound. The USA promptly convinced three of the four said Scientist to defect and steal the blueprints for the boat. Minor modifications were made on the blueprints and at a well attended press conference, the US officials announced they had invented a boat called 'The Dragonfly' which moved at twice the speed of sound. They also took the opportunity to accuse Russia of trying to steal their blueprints. An accusation the Russian officials vehemently denied.

The Chinese government who understandably were incensed by this development immediately put in place a national media blackout. All social media sites were blocked and all Internet traffic was scrutinized. They then set out on developing a new boat which was shrouded in lots of secrecy.

Iran pulled out of the race after the US lodged a complaint to the organizers about the boat the Iranians used in their regional championship which was nuclear powered. An angered Iranian cleric was on Al Jazeera saying Iran didn't want anything to do with 'The Great Satan'.

Meanwhile, back in Ghana, officials were at a three-day conference at an plush hotel discussing their plans and strategy for the upcoming boat race. After a two hour delay, a popular musician performed at the opening day and the conference finally was underway. At the end of the three days, the officials decided to take a loan from the USA and use the money to buy a boat from China which would be captained by a Lebanese. The officials, of course, took home hefty per diem.

The Russians decided that they didn't need to design a new boat. The boat used for the regional championship was good enough for the international championship. The old boat was simply called 'The Boat'.

Finally, the much awaited day of the race arrived. The Chinese unveiled a new remote-controlled boat which they called 'Red Moon'. The Red Moon traveled three times the speed of sound and also doubled as a submarine. The USA brought out The Dragonfly which was painted in stripes of Red with scattered white stars. The Dragonfly had a four man crew. A captain, a co-captain and two cabin crews. The Ghanaian team unveiled a Luxury Yacht, called The Black Shark, bought from China with a loan from the USA. The team was made up of seven people one being the Lebanese who was the Captain, Engineer and Navigator. The other six, who were Ghanaians (who did absolutely nothing) came with their family members and two assistants each.

The 100 kilometers race finally began and in a matter of seconds, the Red Moon, the Chinese boat was at the finish line, the Americans in the Dragonfly arrived a few minutes later and the Russians in the Boat arrived about 30 minutes later. One hour after the Russians arrived, the Ghanaians were still nowhere to be found.

The US team, meanwhile was piling pressure on the judges and officials to disqualify the Chinese. According to the team's dapper lawyer, the Red Moon was technically not a boat but a UFO as it was not man-manned. Various experts were brought in to testify on their behalf. The poor judges, overwhelmed by all the technical details, finally decided to disqualify the Chinese much to the fans' disgust.

Two hours after the protests were over, the Ghanaian Yacht, could be heard but not seen approaching the finish line. There was a party on board the Black Shark and the music was so loud it drowned the announcer's speaker even though the boat was still 5 kilometers in the water. Finally, the Ghanaian luxury yacht arrived on the finish line, still in party mood. The leader of the team quickly organized a press conference at which he stated that they were proud of their achievement and of completing the race. According to him, their performance this year was something to be proud of. It broke the national (Ghanaian) record and marked a massive improvement in their performance in last year's race. They were looking forward to next year's.


The medals podium: first USA, second Russia, third Ghana and China, disqualified.  

The Black Shark

 Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters and incidents are either a product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.   

This post is a sequel to another post on this blog, Boat Race.

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